Lets talk about our internal dialogue..but first...ALL very small children LOVE themselves immensely(before they learn mean thinking and self sabotage from adults). This is the time in life where singing in front of the mirror is COMFORTABLE and natural. Making faces and dancing around for no apparent reason is common place. Being NAKED is a time of joy and freedom. Spontaneously telling yourself 'you are great' 'you are the best' and 'I love Fred and Susie and Mommy and MEEEEEEE!!' is inherent. This is a time when we do not question who we are, why we are here or if we are important, we already know the answer to all of them, that we are great, we are special and we are soo soo very important and love flows to and from us freely.
- Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas. --Paula Poundstone
Lets just say that if you had it once you CAN have it again. That certainty of having love and being great is within each of us, all the time. We have had it before. Which basically means that we can find it again as long as we are willing to look for it, claim it and be it again.
So as adults, we have created other 'interesting' and demeaning thoughts that we believe are unique to us only..as in noone else feels this bad about themselves, others are so much more confident than me, only I am feeling like crap about myself, others have their lives together, others are more successful, I am a loser, I am ugly, I am not good enough, I should be different, I should look different, I am nothing special, I have major issues, the list of ugly mean thinking is wide and varied and I haven't mentioned the really ugly stuff but I am sure that we can all relate and know what it is that we say to ourselves that is just down right mean and dirty. Now, most people keep these devious thoughts to themselves but IF they are so FULL of them that they are on the floor of misery it will spill over and they will say these thoughts out loud and to others but it really is just a REFLECTION of their internal dialogue. The thing is these thoughts are far from unique and they are shared by every human being on this PLANET..every single one, because they all stem from the primary fears of every person which are 'I am not enough' and 'I am not worthy of love', all mean and ugly thoughts are just versions and variations of these fears. The difference is how we react to these thoughts and if we ACCEPT THEM AS TRUE. That is right these are THOUGHTS and they are only true if we BELIEVE them. If we accept them as true our brain and nervious system accept them as true..so if we are constantly repeating a thought such as 'I have the ugliest nose' well then damit your brain is going to look for proof of this statement wherever it can. If you repeat a thought such as 'I am a loving person' your brain will do the same. Which one FEELS better?
We often think it is easier to stay in old mean patterns because over time we have come to be comfortable in that dank and dark place, we have come to call it home. Who the hell WANTS to live there?? Noone thats who. That is why we strive to change, to find meaning, to be free. No matter who you are you are questioning always, somewhere deep inside of you, you KNOW that you deserve better, you KNOW that you are special, you KNOW that life is meant to be enjoyed fully and with delight. The thoughts that we have come to believe hold on for dear life, they scratch and claw at the depth of who we are because we have allowed those thoughts so much space there is hardly room for wonderful ones.
The difference between those who succeed with their goals, whatever they may be and those that stay trapped by their mean dirty ole thoughts is that those that achieve(and we ALL have achieved goals in our lives in some area..start thinking of all the things that you HAVE accomplished, NOW, it could change your life..in those accomplishments, ones that you have already created, lies the answer to future success) their goals start by overriding the dank and dark place and CREATING a new and exciting alternative. This does not mean that those thoughts disappear never to rain their ugly heads again, no no, it means that they choose to not accept those thoughts as true, when their fears(thoughts) creep up, they do not give up, they double their efforts to maintain thoughts that will take them in the direction of their goals. Here is a secret, the brain does not know the difference between a memory and our imagination, if you IMAGINE your future goal completed in every aspect(how it feels, tastes, smells, what it looks like, colors, sound, lighting) the more detail the better, our brain will to whatever it take to reach that goal because it believes that it has already happened and it WANTS those feelings of greatness, more than anything else.
Now, how do we take the first steps in what thoughts to believe and not to believe? Most of us will have to come up with positive altenatives so here is a way to begin.
Lets say you have a negative thought such as 'I never accomplish anything', the first step is to ask yourself 'is it true?', most likely it is NOT, never? Hardly possible. Now give yourself examples of where you have accomplished things(I finished high school, I have a great career, I gave birth, I am finishing my phd, I keep a neat house, I, my spouse and my children are all alive at the end of the day, etc) then change the statement into 'I can accomplish anything' and give the same examples from above.
Begin questioning your thoughts, are they TRUE? Are they NECESSARY? Are they KIND? Do not get side tracked buy why you have them..just question are they true, necessary and kind. Do the exercise from above for 15 min, then think about your goal, your future again and make it as bright and big as possible...if you want another baby, IMAGINE it intensely, if you want to lose weight, IMAGINE your ideal body in intensely, if you want to change careers then IMAGINE your outcome in all its glory.
Food for thought..too complicated? Start talking to yourself as if you were someone you REALLY loved, your children, your partner, your animals. When a mean thought arises ask yourself would I treat them this way? And answer with the response you would give to the ones you love the most.
from my heart to yours..
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