How many times do you come upon a behavior and wonder what am I doing that for? Why am I eating so much? Why am I raging so much? Why can't I sleep? Why am I drinking so much, so often? Why don't I exercise? Why do I talk to myself like that? Why am I blaming others? How did I get in this mess again? Will I ever learn? If you are human and even remotely reflective on yourself I am sure you have had questions like these..I seem to have them everyday. So the next logical question is how do I change this behavior, how do I make it go away, how do I overcome this behavior with my identity and authenticity still intact?
While there are many paths to take to change our behavior..MANY..there are those that will work faster more effective and more permanant than others. The question is do you want to take the long and winding path or the straight and narrow path...simply a choice, each with its own sets of interesting scenery...and each perfectly capable of running into and integrating the other..for some stretches it may be long and windy and for others short and straight or visaversa.
The first step to changing any behavior is to own it. Know that you are responsible for it, that it does not come from outside of yourself but from within you and that for some reason in the past you made a choice to use that behavior to reach one of your needs. And now you have outgrown it, are ready to move on. Thank the behavior for serving you so well, for protecting you from pain or hurt, for providing some kind of comfort, for preventing you from making another choice, be grateful for all that the behavior has taught you, learn from it, know that behind any behavior is a postitive intent no matter how horribly the behavior is dressed up to be it came from a place of positive intention so be grateful for that intent and have gratitude for what that behavior was doing to help you find some kind of peace even if that peace was not peace at all...the INTENT was there.
Now, it is also important to know that change of any kind can be uncomfortable..and I do not mean it's hot in here uncomfortable but its hot in here and I have a wedgie and I have sand in my eyes and something in my shoe is seriously pulling out my toenail kind of uncomfortable. When creating change from within, on our own, it is important to embrace this discomfort and walk with it. ( If you have the opportunity to work with someone who is educated in the Six Human Needs, well then the discomfort is slightly less ;)) The discomfort is just our nervous systems reprogramming with a new behavior and our minds way of mourning the loss of the ugly old one..like getting a new skin..which I imagine is amazing once you have it but intense during the exfoiliation..if you know what I mean.
We are all bundles of behaviors, all chosen and produced by us. We are 100% in control of all of our emotional states all the time, discovering this helps the journey begin.
side note: the journey happens anyway, no matter what we do, what better way than to be consciously aware of our control and power on that journey, to be able to mold the experiences and emotions to serve us and others at the highest levels possible.
If you could change one behavior, what would it be??
from my heart to yours....
Great post! Change is good. It's a new life when we realize we are stearing the ship.
ReplyDelete