when old patterns come a creepin.....

You know..some days just don't go the way we plan them.  We have this great idea about how it will go and then something happens to knock the plan off course..well at least OUR plan..the universe has other things in store.  Things that we will miss if we are not alive and alert to it.  The chance to let go, the chance to do something entirely different, the chance for understanding, the chance to take a deep breathe, the opportunity to be really pissed off or the opportunity to laugh our asses off, the choice of deep compassion or utter confusion.  We sit on that fence of decision and wonder what are my choices now, what will I be missing if I go in this direction? what will I be gaining?  How will I know what the right thing is? 

Crap-freakin-tasitic you mean suffering is a choice...damn.  Choosing today to be aggrevated, frustrated, angry and mean does not feel really good and at points one could SWEAR there was someone else to blame for the ugly feelings, the clenched jaw, the shallow bull like breathing.   And even when we know that is we who are in complete and total control of our emotional state we just want to BITE someone..preferably as hard as possible.

And then...you realize OH...YA..this is where I am at...interesting..shall I eat myself up with guilt..perpetuating even more interesting feelings and actions, eat an entire chocolate cake or just be HERE, FEEL here, acknowledge the old patterns of yesterday and have compassion for yourself because you are deeply aware of what is happening and prepared to see this through to a new beginning..a new pathway..a new and fullfilling pattern.

Hurummppfff..the old pattern says, I really thought I would get you this time(yes we all talk to ourselves ;))..I see that I wormed my way in and just when I thought about VICTORY, you remembered you had a CHOICE..damn..damn...damn..for a minute it felt so stinkin good to be back..like the caress of an old friend.

The jaw tension releases, the bull like breathing becomes deep and cleansing and the ugly feelings start to disipate into feelings of being loved, of being a part of something bigger and before you know it..you are loving again..and ever sooo grateful for the truth of CHOICE.  For the courage to be honest with yourself and acknowledge yes..that was me..that unfortunate behavior..that was my choice and I can only bite myself..but instead you choose compassion and love and understanding for yourself and when you do that you have compassion and love and understanding for others as well.

hmmmm...sound familiar...ummmm..shanti?

from my heart to yours...